Here is some backstory to what’s on my mind right now. As I alluded to in my last entry, the relationship between “Sir,” ‘Miss,” and I has changed. You can find the gist of the story here. My own version will be coming soon; but seeing as it is Thanksgiving (in Canada,) I thought I would write about something else first. In light of everything that has happened, “Sir” will go back to being referred to as “Sebastian,” and “Miss” will be “Katja.”
Last night at the dinner table, I was asked what I was thankful for this year. I was with my family and family friends; so I could not speak openly about the year I had with Sebastian and Katja; but it was the first thing that entered my mind. Instead, I chose my words carefully and just stated that i was thankful for all of the “life experiences” I have had this year. And it’s true. What I had with Sebastian and Katja this past year was a whole ton of life experiences that helped me grow and discover parts of myself that I did not previously know.
I am thankful that I had the opportunity to meet Sebastian and Katja, to feel what I did that first night, and to be involved in the relationship we had. It was quite a unique life experience; and while I don’t think I will ever do it again, I certainly am glad that we did what we did. That silent chemistry I felt on our first meeting was something I had never felt before, and taught me to go with my gut.
I am thankful that I was able to learn so much from them; that they were patient with me and willing to let me make mistakes. I am also thankful that they supported me and continue to support me when I need it; that they reassure me when I stop believing in myself, and that they taught me that making mistakes is not the end of the world.
Sebastian and Katja helped me get in touch with my emotions. I met them as the girl who didn’t know how to feel, as someone who had always swept her emotions under the rug and forgot, or tried to forget about them. After a year with Sebastian and Katja, I am now able to feel and accept (for the most part) my emotions and work through them. Even as I write this entry, I can feel a wave of emotion hit me; and this time, I’m not trying to fight it. I am thankful that I have learned to accept and embrace my emotions.
Throughout my relationship with Sebastian and Katja, I was able to see what ownership is. I had the opportunity of giving up control of some aspects of my life; and while I don’t think ownership is right for me, I am definitely thankful to have had such an experience.
I am thankful that throughout our relationship, I was exposed to so many new ideas. From new dungeon equipment, to playing with “the Bastard,” I was seldom bored with Sebastian and Katja.
I learned a lot about myself, what I want, what I am capable of doing, and what my future could possibly be. I have learned that people change. What I once wanted, or thought I wanted, is not what i want now. I have grown so much as a person, and as a submissive. I have become more self-aware, and have learned to take the time to figure out what I want in life.
I am also thankful that Sebastian is tech-savvy and uses a Mac. Through him, I was able to learn about my computer, about websites, and about programs that make my life easier. This blog was started because Sebastian gave me a little push; and I have learned that enjoy writing and sharing with the kinky community, what is on my mind.
I am thankful that Katja didn’t give up on me during that defining weekend. If she had decided that she did not want to train me, then I would have never had these experiences. Making a relationship work between us was anything but easy. I am thankful that we were able to work through our issues, and that we arrived at an understanding with each other.
I am thankful that I was able to have Sebastian’s cock inside all of my holes. In all honesty, it just felt good. I am also thankful that Katja allowed me to touch her master’s cock. It is an opportunity I will never forget.
I am thankful that our relationship did not really end. It has just changed. I am glad that things did not end badly, and that we are still friends.
In short, I have learned a lot about myself, relationships, emotions, and being human. I have grown through everything I have experienced with Sebastian and Katja. I have become more self-aware and have learned to pay attention to how I feel, to take care of myself and not set my emotions aside. I have had the opportunity to try many new things, see what I like, and what I don’t. I now know what growing pains feel like, and that it is okay that it hurts to grow sometimes. I don’t crumble (as much) any more when I make a mistake. Instead, I try to find a solution and move on. Sebastian and Katja have guided me through a chapter of my life, showing me things that I probably would not have seen myself; and it is for all of these things that I am thankful.
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