Photo Credit: Unknown
The other day, I had a chance to chat with Katja about our previous relationship and some of the bumps we experienced along the way. During our conversation, we stumbled upon the topic of whether or not I had met anybody interesting in Germany; and while I have met many interesting people, some even fuck-worthy, I have not done anything sexual with anyone on this trip.
It shocked me a little, to come to that realisation. I thought, for sure, that I would have done something with someone by now. I mean, fingers and toys can only get you so far. I have been horny almost every day and there have been plenty of attractive, fuckable guys with whom I had a shot. A thought then occurred to me: I was no longer the reckless, crazy pet who had walked into Katja and Sebastian’s house for the first time: but rather, one they had taken time to teach, nurture, and smack around when it was needed (and sometimes just for fun.) I was no longer feral; but rather, trained.
While it was painful to see our relationship come to an end, it definitely taught me a lot of things and has made me a better person. Part of the reason I haven’t had a desire to meet any new possible romances or fuck buddies is because my expectations have been raised. If I am going to invest time and effort into a person, I want it to be great, like my relationship with Sebastian and Katja was (and still is.) While it really isn’t fair, for the next little while, I will be comparing everyone to Katja and Sebastian; and while there are many great people for me to meet, none of them will be Katja and Sebastian. I think, now that I have put my thoughts down on paper – or really, computer file – I am ready to accept the fact that no one I meet will be exact copies of Katja and Sebastian; but that some people will be just as great in different ways.
I think this relationship has given me a new level of maturity. It has allowed me to learn how to deal with my emotions and how to trust people and let them in. And while, from time to time, Sebastian and I disagree about this, I think I have learned that living the 24/7 pet/slave/owned person lifestyle is not for me.
However, a thought that just came to me might have changed my opinion. A 24/7 lifestyle does not need to be extreme. It really is what the parties involved define it as. That is another thing I learned from Sebastian and Katja. We were once at a birthday party with a bunch of other kinky people and it was during my month “off.” No one at the party asked me directly how it was, that I had a month off, why I wasn’t wearing a collar; but they definitely asked Katja a lot. The other people were talking about things that go on in their relationship; and while there were some similarities, everyone really had their own way of doing things. There were other times, most commonly on formspring, where people would voice their opinions about our dynamic, and how we weren’t doing things the “right’ way. Each person has their own preferences and set of standards, so I may very well end up in my own sort of 24/7 “lifestyle.”
Arguing for my original opinion, what really makes the difference between “just in the bedroom” and “lifestyle?” I mean, if, for example, I have a kinky “bedroom” life, and my future partner also controls which pair of shoes I wear, would it be considered a “24/7 power exchange?” I mean, I would most likely wear shoes for more than 90% of the year, so my partner’s control does affect every day of my life, but where do we really draw that line? And another thing: is it necessary to label and define our relationships and be able to point out exactly where the line is?
I’m going to leave this post for now, because I don’t really have much more to talk about. I definitely went on more tangents than I wanted to; but I hope it still made for an interesting read; unless of course, if you skipped to the end, hoping to find another picture. In any case, I think all of you in the blogosphere will be hearing a little more from me soon. I’ve gotten my writing mojo back.
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