Read My Kink

Photo Credit: Heights Arts
The last two months, perhaps even longer, have been an emotional rough ride for me.  In the process of working through my emotions, I seem to have last some of the playfulness, the pet-ness that I once had.  In short, I had lost my barking voice, literally.

A while back, I used to be very comfortable acting like a puppy, a true pet for Sir and Miss.  I would bark at things, chase toys, even growl at the cats every so often.  There was a sense of carefree playfulness in me.  Somehow, through all of the emotional growth I have gone through in the past little while (I am not exactly sure how long it has been,) I have not been feeling very pet-like.  I stopped barking because it no longer felt natural.  In a sense, I guess I had “grown up” from being a noisy, hyper  puppy, to being a calm and quiet dog.  I am not sure if this truly was the result of emotional growth, or if it was depression from emotional stress; but I did know that it did not really feel comfortable.  I missed the playful puppy inside me, and I really wanted to get it back.

Last weekend, I finally let out the first bark in a long time.  I think was while Sir was lying on the couch, while Miss sat beside him.  I was going back and forth between sucking his cock and resting my head on his chest, when something inside me sparked.  I think, at that point, I felt safe and emotionally stable enough to stop worrying about stuff,  I was comfortable again and felt a tinge of puppy-ness in me. I barked and could not help but smile, because it felt pretty damn good.

At this point, I am only starting to find that pet-ness in me again.  The one bark I let out last weekend felt good, but at the same time, I felt like it was just a scratch into the surface of reclaiming my puppy identity.  I also think this is a landmark, a road sign for me, that shows me that I have grown emotionally, gone through all the growing pains 9for now,) and am now finding my balance again.

I think there is something about my puppy identity that makes me feel free, to an extent.  I am not sure if “free” is the correct word to describe the feeling, but I know that when my puppy mode is on, something just feels different.  Something feels nice.  I guess being puppy-like just makes me feel like what I am, a pet.  In a way, having a puppy identity puts me in my place in Sir’s and Miss’ life.  I am their pet, and acting like a puppy just makes me feel it more.

I don’t quite know what I am trying to get at by writing this, for all I know it’s all coming out like a bunch of jibberish; but I have a feeling, and it’s about barking, puppy-ness, being a pet, and feeling safe and comfortable.  That’s really all I have for now.  I’ll probably write more on this later.

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