I completely agree that I have been flip-flopping emotionally, and it IS getting to be quite the vicious cycle. I will also be the first to admit that I do have trust issues with Miss. I think I mainly panicked because she asked me to do something, and then made it impossible for me to do so; so I did not know how I could possibly turn the situation around to make things work.

To be completely blunt, sooner or later, if this continues, I will get tired and emotionally exhausted; and quite simply, the relationship will end. I do not want that time to come any time soon, but I am always mindful that the time may come sooner than I would like.

Again, thanks for your input and advice. I am a young one, and I do appreciate every bit of insight I can get.

It makes me sad to see you flip flop between these highs and lows. This type of behaviour tends to be self perpetuating … a hard cycle to break.

The sadness comes, when i read your words, regardless of any miscommunication or possible exaggeration of emotions at the time of your writing, it is still how you felt in that moment. I read your words and it arouses memories of times gone by, where i spent so much time analyising this and justifying that … that those times begin to outweigh the fun !

You are alot younger than me, i am a fossil by comparison … but i think that entitles me to pass on a little bit of my experience (and hopefully knowledge gained from it), otherwise why would you ask people to comment on your posts??

Remember this is about having fun and following your gut, afterall, no-one else can tell you how to feel, or how you should have felt in a particular situation.

Take care … and i will continue to read with interest.

Tracy

You said something very important in your comment, tat Miss only wishes great things for/with me. I agree, that miss is always looking out for my well-being. I feel it all the time. I don’t really think this situation has to do with trust, as much as it has to do with me freaking out because it felt like it was impossible for me to do what Miss was asking of me. I’ll have more details in my next entry (that I plan on writing today.)

Again, thanks for the comment and keep reading!

The behaviour which was disappointing to me pet has to do with you assuming, has to do with your unwillingness to participate in the conversation. As you were getting frustrated you were shutting the conversation off without taking into consideration my feelings. My continuation of the conversation which lasted 16 minutes was to ensure you understand how I felt and to reassure you understand where my thoughts were coming from. Interestingly, at the end of the conversations you believe the conflict arouse because you were honest, when it did not. I want you to express yourself; however, your continual assumptions simply are not acceptable any longer and that is where my frustration came from, it was not that you were frustrated or annoyed, in fact I stated that I understand why you would be frustrated and or annoyed.

As for leaving the conversation without proper permission, I had stated I was going for dinner and you then asked a question which I answered and we continued to speak. We had engaged again and you simply assumed that when you were finished speaking, when I had stated that I no longer wished to discuss the topic of our conflict you made the choice to leave. You made the choice to be dismissed when clearly that is not acceptable and I had not stated at any time after you had asked that last set of questions that I was excusing myself for dinner and yet you simply decided you were finished. You did not ask permission, you assumed, again!

I admit I am insulted that you feel as though I have diminished communication for I have always expressed for you to communicate. What I have decided is that from this day forward you will need to make the effort to communicate, to ask questions, to speak your feelings and to ensure you have the proper information, I no longer will do that work, that is up to you now. I also simply will end conversations when I have had enough of them, whereas in the past I would ask you if you were comfortable, if you understood. I did not say you communication would end and I did not state you would be corrected or punished for asking questions.

You not feeling safe solely comes from within you. I am not surprised that you have returned to those feelings as you often do when there is conflict. This is a lesson that is crucial for you to learn because no where did I say our relationship was in harms way, in jeopardy.

I hope that my correction on my answer of no helps alleviate some of your conflict pet. I sincerely did not mean to answer in such a manner. I said no to a question that I read incorrectly and that is not fair to you.

Asking questions is okay and encouraged. I will not be willing to repeat myself though, not anymore.