Before I delve into the details of last weekend, I wanted to share some lyrics that really hit me. Last Sunday, after spending two days with Sir and Miss, I went home to spend time with my mom for Mothers’ Day. It just so happened that MUCH Music was showing a Billy Talent concert that was played on Thanksgiving last year. Skipping to the point, their song, “Surrender” caught my attention and reminded me of the comfort and safety I felt that weekend with Sir and Miss.
Here’s the song, lyrics and elaboration below.
While most of the song has nothing to do with my relationship with Sir and Miss, the chorus really spoke to me.
(Surrender)
Every word, every thought, every sound
(Surrender)
Every touch, every smile, every frown
(Surrender)
All the pain we’ve endured until now
(Surrender)
All the hope that I lost you have found
Surrender yourself to me
When I am with Sir and Miss, my body “belongs” to them. My cunt, asscunt, mouth, throat, breasts are there for Sir and Miss to use and do whatever pleases them. More importantly, I feel safe when I hand control over to them. When I am with them, aside from living, everything is a privilege. If they wanted to, Sir and Miss could take away my “every thought , every word, every sound…every touch every smile, every frown” (though perhaps not my thoughts.) When I am with Sir and Miss, I am in a position where I trust them enough to look out for my well being; to not harm me in an way, and where I feel comfortable “surrendering” myself to them.
The last few weeks have been difficult for me, as I had been riddled with countless doubts about our relationship. I had gone to a very dark place, where I had almost lost all hope of this relationship ending. I thought endlessly about whether or not this was right, if I would be able to be pleasing to both Sir and Miss, if I could continue on without having the same connection with Miss that I do with Sir. I was (and still am, growing,) and it hurt.
When I was with Sir and Miss last weekend, I knew for sure that I wanted to be there, and that now is not the time to end the relationship. Seeing them last weekend really chipped away the doubts I had formed. It was just a very enjoyable and comfortable weekend. It felt right. My gut did not complain. I did not even hear a peep out of my normally overthinking brain. I felt and feel emotionally centred again.
After several weeks of dealing with growing pains, I can finally say for certain that this is what I want. I know that I want to be with Sir and Miss. I know that I want to be their pet. I know that I want to someday be owned by them. Most importantly, I know that even if things do not work out the way I want them to, the time put into this relationship would not have been a waste. I have learned a great deal from my time with Sir and Miss; and for that, I am very grateful.
Knowing what I want is half the battle. As for the other half; well, that’s the fun part. With my emotions calmed, my doubts put away, and my growing pains subsided, I can truly say that I am ready to go wherever this relationship takes me.
!