Read My Kink

//Begin Rant//

This morning – actually, afternoon – I woke up to an email from Miss, saying that I might be getting some rather mean questions on my formspring (Q&A) page, due to some of the answers she gave on her page.  Naturally, I dragged myself out of bed, and went straight to that page, out of pure curiosity.  What I saw, shocked me.  More than that, it made me more aware of the people out there, and how some people view the “lifestyle.”

To begin with, I am flabbergasted, that so many people do no know how to read; or are selective readers.  It makes me wonder what some people take out of the entries I write on this blog, about whether or not I am clear enough on this blog, whether or not I explain things clearly.  I have come to the conclusion that it does not matter how clearly I express myself.  This occurred to me as I was reading Sir and Miss’s answers, and how so many people ignored Miss’s (very clear) explanation about the differences between her fantasy and a gang bang, as well as Miss clearly stating several times that she does not find me disgusting, and that she finds the act of gang banging disgusting.  I think some people read something “negative,” form a judgement, and are no longer open to clarifications that invalidate their judgements.

After reading some of the questions and answers on all of our formspring pages, I feel so very fortunate to have found Sir and Miss, to be given the privilege of sharing a relationship with them.  Some of the comments, saying that Miss is spoiled, that she is a bitch, or a baby for having an opinion and expressing it, make me feel so thankful that Sir and Miss do not ever tell me that I am not allowed to have an opinion.  To me, that is emotional abuse, and most definitely not something I would accept from anyone.

While I knew they were out there, it is scary to think that people just starting to explore in kink are being taken advantage of, by a “dominant” on a power trip.  I was fortunate enough to have friends to guide me, and a gut instinct strong enough to weed these people out of my life.  Some other inexperienced explorers of kink may not be so fortunate.  To me, submitting does not mean that I give my opinions up, that I become a silenced bitch that does anything my dominant wants, or that it is a privilege to live.  Submission, to me, is me choosing to give control to someone.  To me, the dominant has to earn my trust in order to control me.  I find that about half of the men who approach me on-line think that just because I am submissive, they automatically have the right to control me.

I am a submissive.  I also have a brain.  I am not a door mat.

I have gotten a few questions about why I would want to stay with such a “judgemental bitch,” as well as how I could stay with someone who finds me disgusting.  I cannot make it clear enough, that I thoroughly enjoy my time with Sir and Miss.  I do not need them to share or like my fantasies for this relationship to work.  It is my choice to stay with them; and I stay because I am happy with what we have.  It is important for people to understand that I can end the relationship if I feel I want/need to.  I stay with them because I enjoy their company and I enjoy serving them. I stay with them because they are great teachers and I have much to learn from them. I stay with them also because they respect me, and are not abusive. I stay with them because I trust them, because I know that they will be here for me when I need them, and because they are important people in my life. I stay with them because my gut says it is safe.

Nothing is forcing me to stay with them; I stay because I WANT to.

More than that though, just as Miss understands why, or at the very least accepts that I want to be gang banged, I completely understand her views about it being disgusting. (NOTE: Miss never says I am disgusting, she says that she thinks GANG BANGS are disgusting -It drives me crazy when people who do not read things properly, make a rude statements about what they misread.)  Being able to see things from both sides is something I am thankful for.  In fact, knowing that Miss finds gang bangs disgusting and that she would still allow it to happen in her house makes me feel very grateful.  I am grateful that she would allow me to experience my fantasy, without judging me, even when it does not turn her on.

Bottom line, I am just a little disappointed in the “community” out there.  Let me make it clear that I do not believe everyone in the community is ignorant; quite the opposite (there are some really great people out there,) but it really annoys me when people make uncalled-for judgements based on what they want to read, and not based on what was actually written.

//End Rant//

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