Read My Kink

Photo Credit: ThirdWarning
Seeing, touching, and tasting semen have always been challenging for me; and while I have gotten better over the last few months, it is still a little bit icky to me. The first time I played, my partner started jerking off, and when he squirted all over the sheets, I bolted to the other end of the room and locked myself in the bathroom.  It took a bit of coaxing, but I eventually came out; more so because he needed to clean his cock off.  The first time I had sex, I tried to run away when I felt him cum; even though he was using a condom.  About a month later, a partner made me touch a used condom, and it grossed me out.  I have since been able to tolerate semen being squirted on any part of my body except my face (unless I can’t see it.)  It was a long process, starting with having it n parts of my body that I could not see, moving on to parts of my body that I could see but weren’t near my head, to having it on any part of my body aside from my face.  The thought of cum sprayed all over my face is still nerve-racking and something I would only want to experience when I am very emotionally stable and feeling safe

For a while now, I have speculated that it is purely a visual fear, that seeing it is what makes me gag.  My suspicions were further confirmed a few weeks ago, when Sir squirted his cum all over me; while I was blindfolded.  It didn’t really bug me much, because  could not see it.

In the last month or so, I have had the opportunity to get up close and personal with Sir’s cum.  The first couple times he came in my mouth, I let it all run out of my mouth, making a mess everywhere.  The taste was not as strong or as bad as I thought it would be, and the experience was overall a pleasant one.  Now, I have decided that I don’t want to be messy any more, that I want to swallow, no matter how icky y brain might make it out to be.  I have done so successfully once, and I plan to do it again.

In time, (perhaps in 3 months time,) I want to be comfortable with swallowing cum at the end of a blow job.  I would also like to be able to tolerate cum being on my face.  The second one might take a little more time, but I know if I put my mind to it, I will be successful.

Moving on from the topic of cocks and cum, another thing I want to work on is being receptive of oral sex.  Now many of you may be thinking “what?  you don’t like oral sex?  are you crazy?!”  But I kid you not, being on the receiving end of oral sex is one of the biggest hurdles I want to get over by this time next year.

Let me try to explain.  My aversion towards someone licking my cunt has nothing to do with their spit being on my body.  It has everything to do with my cunt juices being in their mouth.  In short, I think my juices are gross.  It is truly an irrational mental block, because I have tasted myself before, and I do not taste disgusting.  I mean, I don’t taste spectacular, but my juices are not horrible.  I do not know where my ideas of my juices being gross comes from; but it is something I would like to work on.

It all really stems down to me controlling my panic mode.  A while ago, I wrote about not panicking while gagging on Sir’s cock.  After doing a bit of thinking, I figure that it would not be so hard to apply that kind of panic control when I receive oral sex.  I…lost my train of thought, so I am just going to end this entry here.  Perhaps I’ll come back later, to edit this and give it a better conclusion.

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