I am a bit of an acoustic rock junkie, and started listening to my music collection. Parts of this song really reflected how I feel right now. Here are the video and lyrics. My explanation/interpretation is at the bottom.
Swim, by Jack’s Mannequin
You’ve gotta swim, swim for your life
Swim for the music that saves you
When you’re not so sure you’ll survive
You’ve gotta swim and swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven’t come this far to fall off the earth
The currents will pull you away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun
Crack in the armour, yeah
I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I’m not giving in, I swim
You’ve gotta swim for nights that won’t end
Swim for your family, your lovers, your sisters
And brothers, and friends
You’ve gotta swim through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don’t see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armour, yeah
I swim for brighter days despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I’m not giving in, well, I’m not giving in, I swim
You’ve gotta swim, swim in the dark
There’s no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah, you gotta swim, don’t let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you, it’s not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above, swim
Just keep your head above, swim, swim
Just keep your head above, swim
The song talks about how you need to keep swimming, even “when you’re not so sure you’ll survive.” The lyrics continue with “you haven’t come this far to fall off the earth.” I really do not know what the future holds, in terms of how my relationship with Miss will develop; but I am not quite ready to give up on it yet. I think things take time, and as long as I “keep my head above,” things will work out.
The next stanza talks about “a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn,” which I saw as something different than what the songwriters may have meant. For me, a lot of my reasoning comes from a very logical place in my brain. and I took the word “dawn” as a realisation, or lightbulb moment. In the lyrics, it talks about how a tidal wave is begging to tear down the dawn; so to me, this reflected Miss and how she got me to feel my emotions more. Over the last six months, I have changed as an individual, and have tried to consider both my logic and my emotions.
Moving on in the song, it mentions a “crack in the armour,” which is what I really want to happen with Miss. She has already stated in her last entry, that she does not need a “relationship,” or a “connection” in order to train me. I am not sure if I could continue training in the long run without having a connection with Miss; because then it just becomes me acting robotic. Sure, I can obey her and do what she says, but if there is no connection there, sooner or later, I will just not want to play any more. Where I was going with this was, in order for me to have a shot at a connection with Miss, I need to take off my armour, or have it taken off. The mention of “a crack in the armour” reminded me that I don’t have to go from a full suit of armour to being naked, and that I only really needed a crack. A little goes a long way, in terms of letting my guard down; and I do not always have to take giant leaps.
The next stanza makes a good point in four words. It talks about swimming despite “choking on salt water,” meaning that this journey is not necessarily going to be easy. (This also really put my mind in the gutter by thinking about choking on cock, because I have been fighting a really bad cock craving for the last two weeks =P) Following the steps of the protagonist of this song, I need to keep “swimming,” even when things get hard. (No pun intended – wow, my brain just went past the gutter and into the sewer.)
*ahem* Moving on, the last two stanzas talk about how “there’s no shame in drifting,” and to “feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark.” This line told me to just let things happen. I think I have finally wrapped my head around the idea that there is really nothing I can do to force a connection between me and Miss. Ironically, it is really hard for me to not have control over something like that. I am always looking to “fix” things, and when there is something I cannot fix, especially when half of my “problem” is me, I get very frustrated. I have come to realise though, that if I were to force a connection between me and Miss, force my emotions to go the way I want them to go; it really would not be worthwhile. I just need to sit tight and “wait for the spark.”
As the song concludes, the “horizon” is “not as far as you think.” So for now, I will “just keep my head above” and swim.
!