Photo Credit: Michael Cook
I am a masochist, and have always enjoyed some level of pain. Lately, I have been finding that my pain tolerance has lowered substantially and that I cannot even take light swats without feeling lots of pain; or thinking that I feel a lot of pain. I do not know for sure, where this lack of pain tolerance comes from; but I have a few theories – or rather, I had one theory, Sven gave me one, and Sir gave me another.
Just as some background to all of this: before I noticed a drop in my pain tolerance, two significant events happened in my kink life. I got a massive beating from Sven, and I went on an emotional rollercoaster ride with Sir and Miss. I think that my lowered tolerance has to do with one or the other, or both of these events.
Theory 1: Physical Factors (Sir’s Theory)
After my visit with Sven, I was left with two very large bruises on my butt and one small bruise on my upper thigh. The bruises took a little over a week to go away visually but there is no doubt that I was and still may be healing from the experience well after the bruises had disappeared. This was, by far, the most severe caning I had ever had and has perhaps affected my body more than I realise.
Sir’s theory is that because my body experience so much trauma while being spanked, it thinks that every time I get spanked, it will be as severe as what I got from Sven. In addition, I may very well still be healing from my night with Sven, and may still be tender.
After doing 5 minutes of research (yay Wikipedia,) this theory may very well be correct. This Wikipedia article, while short, says that although we can get better at coping with pain, repeated exposure to pain actually makes the pain synapses (the place where two nerve cells meet) more responsive to stimulation, leading to more painful experiences. While I have not been repeatedly exposing myself to pain, it is possible that one traumatic experience could make my pain receptors more sensitive.
Theory 2: Emotional Factors (My Theory)
The emotions I experienced while on my proverbial roller coaster ride were emotions that I had never experienced before. To begin with, I was never really connected to my emotions; and during those two emotional weeks, I grew an awful lot and leaned many things about myself. Coming out of that experience, I was/am also left with a sense of distrust and a lack of confidence towards myself.
Every time I am with Sir and Miss, I become more vulnerable than usual. A switch inside me turns on, and I feel naked and bare. I suppose this is what happens when I start letting my guard down. Anyway, my theory is that because I now feel a slight tinge of vulnerability just by being in the presence of Sir and/or Miss, my vulnerability is amplified when they (particularly Sir) spank(s) me.
I was reading Kaelah’s most recent entry on Ludwig’s Rohrstock-Palast, where she talks about how her emotions play a role in her pain tolerance. She talks about how she cried after a light spanking, not because of the pain, but because she felt safe enough to have an emotional release. I do not have as much of an emotional connection with my other play partners than I do with Sir and Miss, and I think it is because I allow myself to be emotional around them, that I am able to feel safe and release my tears far earlier than I would while being spanked by anyone else.
Theory 3: I Have Been Conditioned (Sven’s Theory)
I was talking to Sven a couple days ago to get his take on things, and he said something that I had never thought of. With Sir and Miss, I have been experiencing a whole different type of play and control. It is one that is not necessarily pain-oriented. Sven’s theory is that I am more sensitive to spankings with Sir and Miss because I do not go in expecting pain from them.
Thinking back to the night I had with Sven, I did indeed go in expecting a lot of pain. Perhaps it was my mental preparation that allowed me to take as many hits as I did.
Final Thoughts
I think he reason behind my lowered pain tolerance with Sir and Miss is a combination of all three theories, more so #1 and #2; but also perhaps a bit of #3. One problem is that I do not know whether my lowered pain tolerance is just with Sir and Miss, or if it with everyone. This is because, lately, I have not had the opportunity of playing with anyone but Sir and Miss, and I am curious to see if my body and mind react the same way when I am playing with someone else. I would like to test my theories out sometime in the near future; but if Sir’s theory is correct, and my body is still healing, and has been put in panic mode, going out and getting spanked by someone else is not going to help me heal. I am thinking that my experimental spanking does not need to be a particularly severe one, and that it needs to come from someone who was not involved with either of the two events leading up to my lowered pain tolerance. Being the science student I am though, I think my experiment needs a better design. Simply going out and being spanked by someone else has too many changed variables and would not provide results that are accurate enough to satisfy my curiosity.
If I wait, my body may heal, regroup, and emotionally balance on its own. If I don’t wait, I will at least satisfy my curiosity and get a (or a few) good spanking(s) out of it. For now, I guess I shall just ponder.
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