Photo Credit: Charity M. Counts
I had a cut. And instead of putting a band-aid on it and waiting for it to heal, I ripped the band-aid off and took a razor blade to it, because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am an idiot.
I am an idiot who is digging herself into a hole and is on the verge of not being able to get out, and yet I keep digging.
I didn’t talk, because I didn’t know what to say; because it was too hard to talk to the people I want so much to control my life, but won’t.
I was hurting, but was too proud to let anyone see it and so I hid it, bottled it all in.
I just wanted the hurt to stop.
I was selfish, I didn’t look ahead and see how my words would affect the people around me. For once, I thought about only me, myself, and I.
I went about it the wrong way.
The hurt hasn’t stopped; instead, it’s gotten stronger.
I have broken one of the most important things in my life.
And now I need to fix it.
!
*hugs* I know your pain.
Thanks Sephani,
I fucked up pretty badly this time.
I am not quite sure what you are referring to. If you are referring to our interaction and the one you had with my slave then I would think you are exaggerating. You had an error of judgment, you made a mistake in your eyes. Now you have to deal with the consequences. From my perspective there is nothing broken here. You changed the contract, that is all
Life is all about moving forward. My hope is that now, after we have spoken, you will feel more secure both with us and within yourself.
~A
Sometimes it seems so much larger than it truly is. This journey to the bottom, to the true core of submission can be long, hard and painful. There will be bumps and winding, but as long as you are trying, you are never failing. I read Sir’s blog and His slaves, it seems you are in good hands. From reading the interactions so far, you have done well and will learn even more.
~isis
Sir,
I am starting to see the light. Thank you for letting me stay the night, I really needed it.
~A,
I am seeing the big picture now, and am working on the trust thing.
isis,
You are right. A lot of what I was feeling has to do with me beating myself up. I am most definitely in good hands, and have much more to learn. Thank you for your words. I just need to remember that the only way I fail is if I do not try.
Exactly! And try to have fun while doing it. i have never felt better or had more fun in my whole life. Of course everything in my life is rather new too. Master, going to school, changing my own thoughts. It is all relative.