Read My Kink

About three weeks ago, Sir and I were talking about squirting.  He showed me a video of Flower Tucci explaining the art of female ejaculation.  Since before watching that video, i have wanted to learn how to squirt.  After learning that Ms. Tucci had to learn how to squirt as well, I was determined to accomplish my goal within the next three months.

I did not expect for it to happen so quickly.  Last weekend, I was over at Sir and Miss’s house, hanging out on the couch and having a good time.  I was lying on top of Miss, when Sir started playing with my cunt.  I felt myself getting wetter and wetter; but this wetness was different.  Before I knew it, I had covered Miss’s leg with my cunt juice.  I had never been that wet before.

The next day, I was stretched out on the couch, watching Miss play Super Mario on the Wii, when Sir decided that he wanted to play with my cunt again.  This time, I was on my back, and it made quite the difference.  People say that it’s supposed to fell like you need to pee; but it was not like that for me.  I just felt a lot of intensity, and then a release of liquid when fingers were pulled out.  It was completely effortless for me; it just happened. I consider it a milestone for me, and hope to continue squirting out my wetness.

The next day, Sir had decided that I would be getting a twenty-minute spanking.  Miss warmed my ass up with her hand, smacking me lightly all over.  After a little while, I felt Sir’s hand smack down a little harder.  The smacks were not hard, but something had hit me inside.  As Sir started hitting me with a few toys, I found my eyes filling up with tears.  I knew, logically, that I was capable of taking much more pain; but something was different.  I was emotionally connected to the experience.

A little while later, Sir bound my legs together, taking away a bit of my freedom.  The smacks got harder; and while they were still relatively light, I felt more tears streak down my face.  Miss moved over to my head and tried holding me, but I pushed her away.  Strangely, I did not want her comfort.  I also did not scream or say the word “ow” as much as I normally would have.  This might have been because I was not in a lot of physical pain, but was just very emotionally aware.  For some reason, I wanted to be strong.  I wanted to put my emotional guard back up.  I did not want to be vulnerable.

I was completely in tears and unable to speak when Sir finally asked me if it was enough.  I stuttered and mumbled a “yes Sir,” but the smacks did not stop.  For the last ten or so smacks, I screamed.  I screamed because I had been quiet throughout the first part of the spanking, and I needed to let it out.  I also screamed because the last smacks I got were hard.  I started panicking, crying harder, hyperventilating, and getting frustrated.  I was overwhelmed  with my emotions, and more so, by the fact that I did not know how to express them.

Sir picked me up and cuddled me, but I did not want his cuddles.  I pushed him away, but he kept holding me.  We moved slowly onto the bed, into our normal arrangement of Sir lying in between Miss and me.  I kept on fighting him.  I did not want to be held.  I just wanted some time to sort out my emotions, and I wanted to do it alone.

The more I fought, the stronger Sir got.  He told me that I did not need to be strong; that it was his job.  He told me that I did not need to deal with it alone, and that I did not need to be scared.  Every time Sir touched me, I cried harder.  I was tired of crying.  I just wanted to breathe and calm down.  While Sir went to the washroom, I had a little bit of time to regroup.  Miss called me over to her and I cuddled with her for a bit.  I still could not deal with her touch, as it made me cry all over again.

I eventually got my emotions under control and rolled towards Sir.  I cuddled with him and did not want to leave his side.  I felt safe once again.

After having some time to reflect, I think i have figured out what happened.  With Sir and Miss, my gut has been the leader from the start.  I listen to whatever my gut says, and I follow through with it, no questions asked.  Unfortunately (or sometimes fortunately,) my brain is always several kilometres behind.   The reason I wanted to deal with everything alone is because my brain had finally realised that my guard was down around Sir and Miss.  In a panic, I reacted by trying to shield myself from vulnerability.  I resorted back to my old ways and tried to be strong all on my own.  In the end though, my gut won the battle.  It will still take some getting used to, but it is safe to say that I am comfortable with being vulnerable around Sir and Miss.  I am finally learning how nice it can be to have someone to share emotions with.

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