Read My Kink

It has taken a while for me to collect my thoughts about the second half of my weekend.  I would like to make a note that this entry refers to Saturday October 24th, and Sunday October 25th.

My plans for Saturday were to meet up with Wolfgang for a play session.  I got home at 7:30 AM on Saturday morning after a crazy Friday night.  After a shower and a couple hours of sleep, I went out too meet my friend, Wolfgang.  As usual, we took care of a few things: grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning out the litter box, etc.  After that, I made some lunch and we ate while watching Simpsons.  I am not quite sure what happened next, but sometime after eating lunch and moving to his bed room, I fell asleep.  Because he knew I had had a iring and long Friday night, Wolfie let me sleep a little.  A couple hours later, I was rudely awakened by hair pulling and spanking.  Apparently nap time was over.

He brought me downstairs and told me to take a seat in a chair.  He bound my legs to the legs of the chair with duct tape, and put my wrists in metal cuffs behind my back.  He then covered my eyes with a blindfold and put nipple clamps on my tiny, sensitive nipples.  He then started to torture my tits with a flogger, and later his hands.  After having his fun, he finally ripped off the tape and let me start making dinner.

We ate while watching a very sad Toronto vs. Vancouver hockey game; sad for Wolfgang at least, because I won the hockey bet.  Because Vancouver won by two goals, I was allowed to punish Wolfie for two minutes.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I wanted to spank him.  I bent him over the same couch I had been bent over numerous times before and went at his ass with my hand, a wooden spoon, and a cane.  I must admit, I got wet from being the “top” in this situation.  I always knew I was a little bit switchy, but I never thought it would give me that much pleasure.

After the game, we headed upstairs to the bedroom for some fun before bed.  Wolfgang used my already sore cunt, as he hammer into me, giving himself pleasure.  Throughout this fucking, I told him how cummed out I was, how sore I was, and how physically exhausted I was from the previous day.  He finally took mercy on me and finished himself off, letting his cum spray onto my ass.  It was gross, but I was getting better at taking it.  After leaving the white goopey mess on me for a minute, Wolfie let me get up and rinse it off.  By the time I returned to bed, I was tired, but I also really wanted to cum.  I rolled around in bed for a few minutes before asking if it was okay to get Peter, my rabbit vibrator.  I explained to Wolfie how I was too horny to sleep, and how I really wanted release.

Not surprisingly, he questioned me, commenting that just an hour ago, I had been so tired, and all cummed out.  He then told me what I did not want to hear – that I would not be playing with my toy until the next day.  I left the situation alone for all of two minutes before trying again; this time, making him a deal.  As I said earlier, I am squeamish with bodily fluids, saliva included.  The deal was that if I got to use my toy, Wolfgang would be able to give me a rim job at the same time.  I almost regretted making him that deal a second after the words left my mouth; but I wanted to cum so badly.  I wanted that release.

We must have tried for about half an hour before Wolfie stopped and left me alone to cum.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not get over the fact that he was licking my ass hole – the part of my body where poop comes out.  In this instance, I think  was more grossed out about that, than about his saliva being on me.  When he finally stopped licking me, I managed to reach an orgasm – nothing big, just a small release of all the tension built up from the fucking and mental stimulation.  But then after that, I did something that neither of us expected.

I cried.

I rolled closer to Wolfgang, crying into his shoulder; but that was not what I wanted.  I rolled away and continued crying quietly, not yet understanding what was provoking it  I cannot remember how, but I eventually fell asleep with conflicting emotions.  Something just did not feel right.

The next day, Wolfie and I slept in a little and woke up refreshed.  I was still unsure as to why I had cried the night before; but it was a new day, and I did not want to start it off on the wrong foot.  We ate a quick breakfast and then decided that it was time to play.  Again, Wolfgang put my in a blindfold, attached nipple clamps onto my already tender nipples, and tied my hands behind my back.  He led me upstairs to the bathroom  and guided me towards the bath tub.

I do not know why, but I suddenly did not trust him.  Last time I was taken to the bath tub, I was given a golden shower and it had disgusted me a great deal.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I associated that incident with what he was doing to me that day.  After five minutes of arguing and confusion, I got into the tub and knelt. As I got down on my knees, I felt them hit against something prickly.  Something that smelled a lot like curry powder, but felt like ungrounded pepper.

My mind was pre-occupied with figuring out what I was kneeling on, when I felt it.  A searing drop of hot wax on my breasts.  And the drops did not stop there.  Wolfgang continued to let the wax fall all over my body until I was screaming for him to stop.  When the droplets had finally stopped coming down, Wolfie removed the blindfold and revealed what i had been kneeling on.  It was the rice that we had been eating the day before.

After snapping a few photos and slapping the wax off of my tits, he let me rinse off under a warm stream of water.  I returned to him shortly, feeling distant with a sense of uneasiness.  I could tell that he could not understand why I did not trust him the way i used to.  I did not even know the answer myself.

To end off the day, he brought me into the guest bedroom and tied me down for a caning.  In all honesty, I was not there mentally.  There was a barrier coming from my end that i had not intentionally set up.  I let him smack me around; I even cried a little.  But these tears were not emotional tears.  They were purely tears from too much pain.

The car ride home was quiet, as I sat and pondered what had happened that weekend.  I also had a random thought cross my mind.  I had taken home my laundry soap.  The soap that I kept at Wolfie’s house to do laundry regularly.  I had taken it home because I knew I would not be seeing him as often as it used to be.  Something was changing.

After he helped me carry things back to my room, I walked Wofgang out into the parking lot, giving him a hug goodbye.  I was confused over what had come over me.  I did not understand why I felt the way I did.  Or rather, I knew knew it, but could not put words to my feelings.  If I had learned anything from my previous experience with Katja and Sebastian, I needed to talk with someone, to blurt out my thoughts, to talk through my feelings.  And so that is exactly what I did.

I managed to find both Katja and Sebastian on-line and available for a video chat.  As soon as we were connected, I found myself staring silently at the screen.  With a little bit of prompting, I began to talk.  I talked about the night, about my feelings, and about how something did not feel right when I was with Wolfgang.  I pretty much talked myself through my emotions, while hearing little tidbits of encouragement and advice from them.  I must admit, it felt good to have someone there to talk to.

After a long conversation full of frustration, confusion, impatience, and even a tinge of anger, I finally understood why I cried.  Something about Wolfgang rimming my ass reconfirmed my hunger for ownership.  It was not that I did not want to please Wolfgang.  It was just that for something so scary and so new to me as rimming, I would have rather it have been under different circumstances.  I realised later that I turned away from Wolfgang because I wanted Sebastian or Katja or both of them to be there.  I didn’t just want cuddles, I wanted their cuddles.  As I told Katja later, I wanted her hug because I could have hugged her without and explanation , and she would have understood.

Later that week, after I had sorted out all of my emotions, I had a rather pleasant phone conversation with Wolfie.  I talked about everything I had discovered about myself, about my wants, and my cravings, and about how I didn’t feel right that weekend.  What was pleasant was that he handled it well and had seen it coming far before I had.

While we probably will not be playing much any more, Wolfgang and I will certainly remain friends.  The reality is, I am changing, and I will always be changing.  As sad as it is to drift away from my dear friend Wolfgang, I am ready for something new.  Where this will take me, I have no idea.  But the truth is, I do not want to know.  I just need to be ready for whatever life throws my way.

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