Read My Kink

After three days of feeling down and vulnerable, I was surprised to wake up happy and energetic today.  I woke up at 6:59, and stayed in bed until 7:04, a minute ahead of my normal Thursday morning.  It was certainly weird to come out of subdrop so suddenly, but it was definitely a welcomed change.  I know that calling Sebastian and/or Katja would have sped up the healing process, though I am not convinced that it would eliminate my subdrop completely.  They have stressed, even over-stressed, the importance of calling next time I feel the way I did.  Though it would have helped me heal a little faster, I am happy that I did not call.  Working through such an intense subdrop alone for the first time was a great learning experience for me, and has helped me reveal my emotions to myself.

Looking back at that weekend, there are a few more things I would like to share.

Spoiled

I have always had an issue with people buying things for me.  This is probably because of the way I was raised, where money always has to balance out between two people, gifts included.  Last weekend, Sebastian bought a couple of things for me: a hood, an anal dilator kit, and some groceries.  He, Katja, and I all knew that this would make me uncomfortable, but the little smirk I saw on his face told me that he was enjoying himself.  The bottom line is, I do not feel like I deserve the things he bought me.  I love them, and the anal dilator kit will end up benefiting him in the end, but I still do not feel as though I have earned his gifts.

Katja

As awkward as this sounds, I was proud of her for stepping up and participating last weekend.  Like I mentioned briefly in my last post, she normally sits on the sidelines and is physically distant from the action.  This time, she took control and got a taste of dominance.  After a few days of reflecting, I came to realise how hard that must have been for her, to take control in a situation where she would normally be the one giving up control.  I am also happy that she is a nurturer.  As much as she may or may not like this about herself, it’s nice to have someone hold you while cry from intense pain.

Tennis, Golf, and Paint…Balls

This weekend, I was introduced to several new toys that were created to cause bruising.  I have always enjoyed the dull pain, the reminder, left on my body after a play session.  Unfortunately, it takes a while before my bottom gets bruised, and even after I am bruised, bruises don’t tend to last very long.  One of my favourites is a toy that Sebastian made by putting a golf ball inside a tennis ball and then attaching a string.  He also made one without a string for throwing.  The impact of the tennis ball toy is not a sting, but rather a thud.  It also did its job of leaving me with very nice bruises.  Overall, I am happy that Sebastian shared this toy with me.  It has been added to my list of favourites.

Another thing I got to do this weekend is fire Sebastian’s new paintball gun.  He and I had been talking about being shot by a paintball gun a week or so ago, and the very next day after our conversation, I was informed of his purchase.  We spent some time going over safety and how to load/clean the gun, and then spent time shooting at a target in Sebastian’s backyard.  My first impression of the gun was that it felt great to fire it.  my second thought was about how much the paint balls would hurt when fired at my flesh.  I know that Katja is still nervous about having a “gun” in the house, as she mentions in her post , but I am also rather curious as to what it would feel like.  This gun shoots out 11 mm paint balls, much smaller than I am used to.  I suppose I will just have to wait to find out what it feels like, and what kind of bruising it will leave.

As philosopher William James once said,

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second.”

As for me, I ran last weekend.  I ran hard.  And now I am feeling my second wind.