Read My Kink

Hi.  My name is “the young woman,” or “kaja,” or simply “!” and I’m a BDSM addict.  And I most certainly do not want to stop.

Waking up this morning, I felt groggy, down, and a tad depressed.  My morning felt like I was just going through the motions, as I got up, showered, got dressed and went to class.  My appetite was not its usual self, and trying to eat breakfast was like force feeding a cat some kind of pill.  As I was going through my morning routine, I thought back to Katja’s post about BDSM being a drug.  I realised that I had just hit my low.

I have gone through the cycle of highs and lows many times before, but something about this one was different.  I had come down from a unique high, a different high than I got from playing with other play partners.  I didn’t feel helpless this morning, but rather that I wanted more.  I woke up feeling like I needed “one more hit,” that I needed to get back into the high that I had experienced over the last few days.  I suppose you could say that playing with Sebastian and Katja was like trying a new drug.  And I like the high I get from it.

Coming down from Thursday’s high was not as sudden as it normally is for me – nor did it feel like a crash landing.  I suppose the cuddle time and ongoing conversation with both Sebastian and Katja helped ease me gently into my low.  While this may be true, I’m not even sure if the cuddling and the conversation are the only things that helped me land nicely.  In previous play dates, I have done the cuddling thing, and I have talked with the people for a while after; however, I have never before been in a position where I had to hand over all control.  My casual play friends are more or less dominant in the bedroom, but not outside the bedroom.  I respect them, but it is not the same respect that I give to Sebastian.  I think what it really comes down to is that when I play with Katja and Sebastian, I am not only letting them control me, but I am giving up all of my control to them.  I am able to stay in that mindset, because I trust them enough to take care of me and look out for my well-being.

I am not quite at the point where they are the only people I will play with – that will take much more time.  I enjoy the highs I get from them, but at the same time, I enjoy the highs I get from other people as well.  I am just simply at a point in my life where I am content and satisfied, where I am not actively searching for something or someone new.  All I can say is, I’m certainly ready for another high.  I crave it.  And I’m never going to give it up.

!